Accepting help

„Open up, I saw that you came home! It’s me!“

And 12 years old Katrin opened the door to that “me”. To the “me” I didn’t want to play with at that moment but to who I didn’t have courage to say “no” to. I often pretended to not being home because that was easier than to say this horrifying “no”

For years, it was really difficult for me to say “no” if somebody asked something or I was invited to somewhere. It seemed overwhelmingly hard to say “no”.

As a paradox, in a same time, I was excellent at saying “no” if somebody offered help to me. This “no” came so quickly. I didn’t even notice how it did slip out of my lips.

“I am strong, and I will manage myself!” – nobody can think I am weak or helpless, was my fear behind this “no”. Katrin can ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING HIMSELF.

“I don’t want to bother you!” is other common reaction. There is a fear of being burden, being too egoistic and demanding. Nobody doesn’t have to strive because of me or feel uncomfortable, I will take minimum space.

Behind both of those fears, is feeling of inadequacy and worthlessness. Fear that if somebody sees those characteristics in you, then you no longer belong, then you will be abandoned, then you will be rejected.

So, we keep reacting on autopilot mode and push back all help that was offered. We usually even don’t notice those moment.

Often it leads to the feeling of exhaustion and being used. We feel frustration and disappointment that we must do everything ourselves. That we must cope with everything, ALONE.

Painful truth is that we, ourselves pushed away others attempts to help us. One moment they just gave up.

People feel comfortable that way and they start to take advantage of this “superpower” of yours. Mostly it is subconscious, like you are turning down the help.

Certainly, there are people who will never offer help to you or even notice your need for help. But have you asked yourself? Or one moment you just explode when you feel that it is over your head? I rather had that tactic.

If you read Five Languages of Love, you find that there are people who express their love through serving. Think how they feel if you push their help back, constantly. You would not be burden to them, you would give them opportunity to express their love to you.

Take a moment and ask from yourself:
- Do I accept help?
- Why do I turn down the offer to help?
- Do I ask for help when needed?
- Do I even notice or admit those moments when I actually need help?
- Why don’t I ask help?
- How does it really influence my life?

Photo: Austin Kehmeier, Unsplash