I want ...

„Daddy, I want apple juice!“ announces small boy at the café table.

"Stop this wanting-talk right away!” reacts the dad, loudly, quickly and abruptly  

I got this nagging feeling from it.

Why?

Due this pandemic, people have started to revise their lives and they come to my sessions because they don’t know what they want from life or who they want to be.

We know very well what we must do, what we are allowed to do, what we are entitled to and expected to do, what is nice and what is right to do. We have built our lives on it.

But what do we really want?

When did this happen that our desires, our wantings became to be the enemy, rudeness, wrong attitude and overcoming of others?

Knowing what you want from life has its roots in your childhood, in small understandings of what you want. What do I want to eat, what do I want to wear, who do I want to play with and what to play.

It doesn’t mean that we must get everything we desire. No. We need to learn to deal with disappointments too. It is a natural part of life. But if everything you want is abruptly dismissed, if it is always bad to want something – how do we know what we want later?

 Sure, it is important to direct your children to notice that their choices would be healthier, more based on needs, more balanced, that they are expressed politely. Sure. Unfortunately, I have noticed too often, that children shouldn’t even have this phrase in their vocabulary “I want”.

Children are not able to think in a sophisticated way and see behind those abrupt restrains, that maybe you just want them to express themselves more politely. They take you literally, word to word, they see your reaction, your tone. They translate it: “My desires are bad. Without wanting anything I am better, that way I will be loved.”

What do you want?

Do you let yourself want something?

 Foto: Unsplash, Kelly Sikkema