"Normal" relationship

I am in a relationship, and I like it.

Same time, I have realised that our relationship is not exactly matching with generally recognised social standards. Thanks for that! It suits for us.

Same time, I do understand those who choose to live alone. Choose, because they like that way, not because they are afraid to commit.

It is sad that they are often judged without further thought:
"Oh, they are afraid to commit!"
"Oh, you just haven’t met the right one, you will want to marry when you meet the one!"

No, not all the people need classical relationships!
For some people it is ok to live alone. To live without offspring. To change partners. Not to get married. This can also be normal. It is only important that you are honest with the other side.

There are two kinds of people for me – cat and dog type of people.
Cat type of people need more freedom, more independence, they need to live by their own rules, it is difficult for them to live in the herd.
Dog type of people, on contrary, like to live in the herd. They want to be with the partner as much as possible, to things together, they like, and they know how to consider others.

I am a cat type of person by my nature. It is exhausting for me to function in the herd. I love my family, but I need more freedom, more alone time than average person. I feel beset and constraint very easily. Fortunately, we are a like with my partner. It is usual that same type of people match.

But it seems to me, that dog type of people’s vision of relationships, is considered somehow more normal, righter.

Normality does not have to be only this overly romantic everlasting love, that we see in movies. Meeting, dating, living together, marriage, house, dog, children …

There is different kind of normal. We just tend to look things through our own filters. What is worse, through society filter.

If we don’t match with it, then we feel bad about ourselves, we criticise ourselves, we compare ourselves with other couples, we envy seemingly ideal couples and through that, set expectation to our own relationships. But with that we ruin our relationships, and we keep looking for this ideal, this normal. For this prince on the white horse, waiting for this relationship that meets social norms. Because if I have something different, if I feel good with some other reality, then I am not totally ok. Then there is something wrong with me. Then others pity me.

It took me years to profoundly understand that, and I see it on my clients all the time.

We try to fit into frames, but we tend to not match with ones.
There are more colours in life and in relationships than our traditional framework provides us.
I don’t fit well.
Most of us don’t fit well.
We just keep trying to fit. To match. With some sort of median. With socially acceptable. With some tradition. Some ideal.
Unfortunately, it robs you joy of life. Creates anxiety and depression.

Let yourself to be you. Genuine with all your horns and tales. Without fitting and matching. Without adaption and reduction.

Be
Love
Live
Your way
Originally
Genuinely

Foto: Yan Laurichesse, Unsplash